Bygone Days

When did it happen? And where the hell was I? Am I odd - abnormal even - for wondering where "We" went? I'm sure more couples than I think lose their sense of coupleness. Life's busy. Between school and work and kids and chores...somehow, somewhere in the sea of stuff, we lose sight of us. You and I. Me and you. And then there's just...you...and me.

Over the course of a marriage, things aren't always been a slide on ice. I really don't think I was mature enough to be married when we got hitched. Oh hell - I know I wasn't. I was afraid to speak my mind, to say when I was upset at my spouse. I still can't (it's easier not to. It will be my fault anyway so why mention it?)Lack of communication is a marriage killer. I didn't handle money well or wisely. I've acted like a brat and been downright mean when I felt I was wronged. I've escaped for a weekend out of town just because I couldn't handle one more second without letting off steam. I think I may have even lost my self somewhere along the way. A girls night out at Karen's with my BF or cosmic bowling with her and my niece helped me to remember who I was...who I am. Then there are the small things. Which, more often than not, turn into big things. Big things that cause annoyance and fights until one day you decide its too much energy to argue over or get mad about. Yep, your marriage is in trouble.

But the biggest thing - and I really do believe this - is that couples stop doing couple things. As soon as you lose the romance, stop doing the little things that you did when you were courting, its OVER. Go on dates. Hold hands. LISTEN to each other. Flirt with each other. Dream together. Slow dance in the living room. Watch the sunset. Making time for each other and doing things together (even grocery shopping...really!) as "us" is sososo imperative to the survival of a marriage.

Marriage is hard work. No one tells you just how tough it will be. The preacher or judge doesn't give you a handbook on how to make it work along with pronouncing you man and wife. You both have to work at it, every single day. Otherwise you'll wake up one morning and wonder where "we" went.